The GMTV therapy wagon

  you'd better watch out, you'd better not cry - you'd better not pout - I'm telling you why...

...The GMTV therapy wagon is coming, to town [run away screaming!]. Yes, if you have a mental problem, a phobia, or just want to get 15 minutes of fame - contact GMTV, the morning show with the website that can do everything - including making you a cup of tea and a plate of toast *

I have no idea whose idea the whole thing was, but, all this week they're [Andrea ( weather girl - ex-Coventry University graduate) and a hypnotist**] are going up and down the country curing the crazy British people.

Brilliant! The first day we had someone who had an eating disorder "can't stop eating crisps" - solution - hypnosis "crisps smell and taste like poo" . The woman is cured! [if you're the woman in question - hi there ]

Yesterday and today we had "mad cleaning woman" who won't let people into the house because it makes it dirty [her family have to strip off and run, shower.. etc. as soon as they enter] - as such, friends and family never came around [Fiona back in the studio made the comment in jest that it was just a scheme to stop them coming around : "can't visit, no no, I'm crazy you see and you have to get naked as soon as you go through the door and then shower while I burn your clothes"... I don't think I'd be in a rush to visit.] and after a day of therapy, they were invited in "Wow. This is so much progress"

Now, I'm being sarcastic. We are allowed 2 minute bursts into the "therapy" and this is based on the small slices I've obtained in my "I should have a radio in here, morning television is dire... well... I do like the stuff on channel 4 but I'm not going to invest time watching them now - I'd never leave the house" sort of way. But the whole thing appears to be a freak-show miracle cure roadshow for GMTV... it's like, I could say - I'm mad! I think I'm a big black man. 5 minutes later - wow, it's amazing. I never knew I was white. What was I thinking ?

* unsubstanciated sarcasm
** he might have a psychological qualification - but I forget if they mentioned that. I also forgot, I don't care :-) !